I had to go to the dermatologist yesterday to have a skin lesion removed. Here’s my conversation with the doc:
Doctor: Good morning, Russel. You want to have that lesion removed today?
Doctor: Okay. I’m going to deaden it. 3….. 2…… 1
Russel: Fuck! That hurt like hell!
Russel: (Passes out from pain.)
Doctor: (Administers smelling salts.)
Russel: (Waking up.) Where’s Little Queen Olivia?
Doctor: I thought you were gay.
Russel: She’s my cat. She takes care of me when I’m in pain.
Doctor: Are you still in pain?
Russel: Hmmmm. As a matter of fact, no.
Doctor: I’m going to remove the lesion now. Just lie there and think of Little Queen Olivia rubbing her butt in your face.
Russel: You’ve met the Little Queen?
Doctor: I also have a female cat. Name’s Freakie Cat.
Russel: They’re probably cousins.
Doctor: Okay. The lesion’s removed. I think you’re bleeding but I’ve never seen lime green blood before.
Russel: Seems to have gotten that color right after I turned 18.
Russel: It’s been typed as M+. Seems to have a high alcohol content which causes problems when the police stop me. It’s not common but apparently makes people feel really good, better than O+.
Doctor: Cool. I’m going to bandage it now and send you on your way. If it gets painful later on, take some pain medication. Do you have Acetaminophen?
Russel: Yes, but it’s not my preferred pain killer.
Doctor: What’s your preferred?
Doctor: Cool. Those will do.