My wise old grandmother taught me to add laughter to each day, “even if it includes laughing at yourself.” I always have tried to do that, and although I have no problem laughing at some of my antics, other people and their antics often put me to shame.
One of the weekly tabloids here in San Diego, The San Diego Reader, has a column titled “News of the Weird.” It never fails to make me laugh. Following are some of the snippets from the past couple of years that I haven’t shared before.
- When you don’t have anything else to do, complain.
Steve Crow from right here in San Diego revealed that he complained 20,068 times in 2016, all about the same thing, noise from the San Diego International Airport which is close to his home, and to the same agency, the City of San Diego. He said that he had “given up.”
I don’t know when Steve bought his home, but for about the last twenty years real estate disclosures in the area where he lives have included airport noise. Sadly, too many people don’t read those real estate transfer disclosures.
- Don’t piss off your relatives lest your legacy be a little less than desired.
According to the obituary of Leslie Charping of Galveston TX, he lived “much longer than he deserved” and his life “served no obvious purpose.” The obituary went on to reference his “bad parenting” and his “being generally offensive,” closing with this gem: “Leslie’s passing proves that evil does in fact die.”
- Make sure you give 30 days notice.
Dennis Hanel died in January. His family was informed by Seattle’s Real Estate Services rental agency that his security deposit would not be returned because Hanel had not provided the 30 days notice of termination that was required by his lease. The State of Washington only requires that landlords provide an explanation of why they are not returning deposits.
- I want to move to France.
Thirty-five train stations in France not have kiosks dispensing short stories and poetry to pass the time. Free! Reading materials come in reading times of 1, 3, or 5 minutes.
- Read the fine print!
Jamie Richardson of Canada had pet insurance for her 7-year-old dog so she filed a claim when her dog torn a ligament in a hind leg. Petsecure, Canada’s largest pet insurer declined to pay because the policy didn’t cover dog injuries from “jumping, running, slipping, tripping or playing.” In other words, being a dog was not covered.
After adverse publicity, Petsecure did pay up.
- Practice, practice, practice.
The high school in Camden CT was placed in lockdown in December 2016 because a senior student was seen running zig-zag through the hallways, swinging his arms and leaping into the air. Police were able to determine that the senior was simply practicing his basketball moves, including dunking the basketball.
- Thieving cat.
Aldeburgh Golf Club in England had to introduce a special rule allowing a no-stroke ball drop for players who had their balls stolen on the 14th fairway by Peter Bryson’s cat Merlin. Reports are that Merlin was successful in making an average of six balls disappear each day.
- Justice served?
Gary Durham of Plant City FL was killed in a road-rage incidence in August 2016. Mr. Durham had spent 10 years in prison for causing the death of another driver in a road-rage incident in 2001.
- Language is fluid.
The New York Times Style Book now accepts the word “farting” in formal copy.
- Once might not be enough.
Mauricio Morales-Caceres, 24, was sentenced to life in prison in Maryland after being convicted of fatally stabbing his friend…. 89 times.
With friends like him, you don’t need enemies.
Police in Broome, Australia, stopped a man whose several children, including an infant, were unrestrained in his car. Apparently there was no room since cartons of beer were buckled into all the car seats.
- Do not discriminate.
Right here in San Diego, the City issued a new communications style book for city workers. In an attempt to avoid gender discrimination, one directive stated that America’s “Founding Fathers” should be referred to only as “Founders.”
Yep, that will help.
This post approved by