Should I continue following them?
On June 16 I publishing a post titled “There is a reason.” In it I revealed a certain experience in blogging that consistently has happened over the past five years. That experience is that every time I mention that I happen to be an out and proud gay man in a committed monogamous relationship (now at 18 years), I lose followers (called subscribers at the other site where I blogged from July 2007 to January 2012).
A coupe of comments asked me if I was going to follow up on how many followers I lost with that post. Here’s the scoop:
In the 24 hours following that post, I lost 33 followers but added 26 for a net loss of 7 followers.
In the 24 hours following yesterday’s post (It’s someone’s birthday today), I added two subscribers but lost 13.
It’s easy to keep track of new followers, not so easy to keep track of new losers unfollowers.
Here’s my question: Since I practice tit for tat (you follow me, I follow you), should I unfollow those who unfollowed me yesterday?It would take me about an hour or so to determine who they were.
I’m curioius as to what other people do when, or if, they find that someone has unfollowed them.
Here is my perspective:
No, I won’t determine who those unfollowers are, and even if I knew, I would not unfollow them.
One of the reasons why I am out and proud is to have an influence. I was 38 when I came out and accepted myself for the person I am. That was after years and years of praying to God to let me be or make me into the person He wanted me to be. He answered my prayers in April 1993.
By being out and proud, and continuing to LIKE and comment on the blogs of my unfollowers, I might actually help some homophobic person realize that I do the same things they do each day:
-
Sleep
-
Wake
-
Play fetch with Zoey the Cool Cat and her red ring -
Feed Zoey the Cool Cat
-
Eat breakfast
-
Brush teeth
-
Read newspaper
-
Work
-
Eat lunch
-
Work
-
Eat supper
-
Shop for groceries
-
Pay bills
-
Calculate expected tax burden
-
Blog
I might also help someone in the closet realize that it’s pretty dark in there with the door closed. Much more fun with that door wide open to enjoy all that the world has to offer!
Zoey the Cool Cat is betting on some interesting comments.
Looking for real estate services in San Diego County?
I recommend
James Frimmer, Realtor
Century 21 Award, DRE #01458572
If you’re looking for a home inspector,
I recommend Russel Ray (that’s me!)
Posted on July 19, 2012, in Opinion and tagged blog followers, unfollowing blog followers. Bookmark the permalink. 203 Comments.
Good – that would just lower yourself to their level. Here’s hoping you bring inspiration to someone in the closet. Every little bit of encouragement helps
Okay, here’s my two cents. If it was people on Face Book, I’d feel differently — I’d not care about anyone who didn’t care about me. And one of the reasons I did leave Face Book was because I felt like I was giving more than I was getting. (Or as you say, “tit for tat.”)
But blogging isn’t as personal. If I like someone’s work I will continue to read. I don’t follow everyone who follows me. But I do follow people who don’t follow me.
The only reason I’ll unfollow someone is if I’m no longer connecting with the content.
If someone has something to offer, to me, it doesn’t matter if they follow me or not.
I think it’s sad that people unfollowed you on such a nice day, celebrating your love’s birthday. Maybe they are jealous? Just a thought … because when I got married, I lost a lot of real life single friends — A LOT! (And I’m a straight woman … so it just goes to show that jealousy is all over the place, right?) And my mother has yet to acknowledge my marriage!
Run with the winners. I think your blog is great!
Thanks not only for your kind words but for taking the time to comment and add something to the discussion.
I live in the SE United States, so it doesn’t surprise me that homophobia exists. It continues to sadden me, however, to hear of such ignorance and intolerance. Good for you, for recognizing that you can be a role model for others! I wouldn’t give the haters (as my daughter says) another thought.
Peace,
C-Lea
It is very strange how things quickly can evolve; In Western Europe, were there was a certain open mind a few years ago, the last few months the holebis came in bigger problems and in Belgium we had several people beaten up and even murdered because of being gay. (According my opinion the ‘Gay parades’ did a lot of bad to the homo movement, by presenting more pervert people than serious loving men or women, really giving their soul for each other and not doing it for being able to have sex with as many as they like.)
It is important to the world that honest people dare to come out and let the world see that though their feelings may not be as the majority, that they are sincere, and that they are just ordinary common people like everybody else.
Please dare to show others that you accepted what you are and can do any job or task like anybody else.
The “homo movement,” huh? Whatever………
Knowing about the “perversion” in the straight world, I think gay people, gay pride parades, and the whole “homo movement” was, and is, meant to celebrate human sexuality. Americans seem to be prude, until they get into the bedroom, the sex store, or on the Internet. Gay pride parades are simply one way of getting the world to talk about human sexuality.
Personally, I think the straight world is jealous of the gay world because we do make an attempt to be open, and they want that same opennesss. For some reason, though, they won’t take the extra step. Just look at some of our American politicians. The most religious and homophobic seem to always be the ones caught in the sex scandals.
In don’t remember an eleventh commandment, “Thou shalt not have sex.”
God also wanted the people to have sex because other while they could not have multiplied.
But the many Gay Pride Parades we are able to see here in Western Europe are more often high (hardcore) Pornographic Carnaval parades, lowering human beings to beings that even animals do not in such a way.
You obviously have not watched all the animal documentaries on the Discovery Channel!
I personally don’t give a hoot about your sexual tendencies. I follow a blog because I enjoy it. I blog for the fun of it and a like or comment is a bonus.. If someone is to un follow me, who cares not I. I enjoy the bloggers I follow, and learn from every photo I see and every word I read. I also write on another site where I am presently top author, again I do it for my pleasure and not for reads although I have over 52000 reads.. If some one un follows you.. their loss not yours.. continue to follow I say maybe you show who’s the better person… God forbid someone follows me because I’m a certain person, after all they actually know very little about me.
Very true. Imagine how may people would unfollow me if I did my blog like some of those people at Facebook:
“Posting this from the men’s stall at Pizza Hut.”
Uh, no.
Nice post …I do know you take awesome photos and I would like to enter one in our weekly photo challenge for you …Please think it over ..Thanks Tim
No problem at all! Enter away.
Thanks …
I’m sorry to hear that you’ve lost some followers over this. It’s their loss. As for my opinion, I’m not big on acting out of anger or spite. I wouldn’t unfollow them and like you said, you might help people. Some people can’t handle honesty of any type. I wish you continued success and I hope some of your followers who left will realize they made a mistake. By the way, I love Zoey.
Zoey the Cool Cat appreciates your love, and I appreciate you taking the time to comment and add something to the discussion.
I believe that how you live your life is your business and has no effect on me. I read blogs because I like the writing, I like the photos, they provide entertainment, insight or some sort of pleasure for me. Sad that there are those who do not give the same rights of freedom to others that they would want for themselves.
Unbelievable. Just… Unbelievable.
Yup. Take the high road.
I follow people because intially they followed me last year, but now I follow people, who have interesting things to share or I like their style of photography. I wouldn’t waste time trying to work out who has stopped following me (for whatever reason).
Through lack of time with medical & hospital appmnts recently, I’ve had to delete some email post notifications without being able to open & read the blog post which is kinda sad, but life must go on. I’ve even had to cut down my photography excursions & my OWN blog posts with the wintery weather & other commitments.
In this life, even people like me living in the slow lane, run out of time and no longer are able to keep up with bloggers with witty conversation or amazing nature photos. It’s quite possible, Russel, that those un-followers just found a different blog to follow as their interests changed. Or maybe they couldn’t keep up with so many blogging posts, so had to un-follow to cut down, (not because they had a prob. with you being gay).
Maybe its all just co-incidence.
Maybe.
Yes Victoria, some people are restricted in time and can not follow everything they would like. Some mail boxes also do get cramped. (I get about 130 email letters a day in my mailbox, which make it impossible to reply to them all.) The blogs I follow I mostly do with making use of the Reader, but also their I have to make choices to be albe to get to see the most important things, or those which I would not like to miss. So often I as other people have to make choices, and sometimes we have to stop following a blog because otherwhile it becomes too much.In such a case their are no bad intentions. (When this would happen just after a ‘difficult’ blog, it could give the wrong idea of leaving. So Russel be not insulted at times some people do leave your blog without letting you know anything.
Take the blog space as an open mall where you can run in and out freely, tasting all sorts of sweets and bitters, whitout obligation.
I really like the honesty of your posts and find it amazing that you would lose followers as a direct result of mentioning your gay male status and your happy marriage to Jim. I’m not as statistically clever as you so just wondering if you have been able to find out exactly who unfollowed you because that would be really interesting to know.
I love you guys and your funny cat!
I actually have more important thnings to do. If I get bored…………………
Well, I guess, as one commenter on this post said, those unfollowers are the losers. You rock Russel! Julie
This is a question that I thought about a bit, because I also have some tit for tat tendencies. There was a point where I tried to track who unfollowed me, and then I realized that was just a waste of my time, so I don’t bother with that.
For me, I’ve noticed when I write about my unconventional spiritual beliefs I both lose and gain followers too. Since part of the reason that I blog is to express the real me, I’ve realized that there will be people who don’t like what I have to write and that’s ok.
I’ve been more than compensated by realizing that more people are open-minded than I thought across the world, (even conservative types) and those are the people that might need or want to hear what I have to write. Keep up the great work in being true to yourself! Karen
My wise old grandmother taught me the 80/10/10 rule: 10% of the people will love me because that’s the type of people they are. 10% of the people will hate me because that’s the type of people they are. 80% of the people will love or hate me depending on my words and actions.
http://anexerciseindiscipline.wordpress.com/2012/07/19/20-lines-weekly-photo-challenge-submitted-by-russel-ray-photos/ follow this link to check out your photo post…Thanks again …Tim
I said before and I will say it again: If they are so narrow minded about this what would you have in common with them? Would they still be shouting that the earth is flat? And do you really think that their minds can be changed about anything? ” My mind is made up, don’t confuse me with the facts.” These people are toxic and you are better off not letting them into your life and your work. Sorry, I stutter when I get this mad and I cannot take the high road like you!
I just figure…”Oh well”….I don’t want to spend the time figuring out who they were…I just want to spend time on the blogs I like to read and let the chips fall where they may..I know it makes a person feel….sort of rejected I guess…but sooner or later, someone else stumbles on to you and they follow because they want to be there. Keep on blogging with your
joy of life!
I follow people whose work looks interesting to me. Over time, it has happened that I realize their work is not as interesting to me as I had initially thought. I’ve only unfollowed a couple of people like that. The rest, I keep in my reader – then it becomes my choice whether or not I want to see what they’re doing.
I’ve always found tit-for-tat a little troubling, because then you are reacting instead of being grounded in yourself and acting from that core strength.
I look forward to continuing to enjoy your blog – and Zoey the Cool Cat!
Thanks for your thoughtful comment and for adding to the discussion.
I have no views either way, I follow bloggers like yourself because I like your posts etc. I have in the last 7-8 months met, on the blogging forum many types of people, very ill, to young and adventurous. All I am following because a. they follow me and I return the favour, usual worth while, or because I like a blog and click follow. The most I try to find out is ‘their name, and usually like to know where they come from. tit for tat is usually a negative active. in my finding.:)
First of all – your Zoey looks like my cat, Kitty Bob–
I am glad you decided not to unfollow – sometimes people will unfollow and then reconsider and follow again
I think that using your blog as a forum is a good thing and I really enjoy it
It is truly sad that one aspect of your personality is the only one those sad people saw. Every person on the plant is multi-facted with layers of emotion, personal history, experience and preferances – that is why we are so very interesting. To label a person with just one ‘type’ is narrow minded to say the least. Your perspective has grown from who you are and that is what is inspiring and engaging. Don’t let shallow people waiver you from your path…it is yours alone to tread in whatever way you desire. I, for one, don’t judge people, for to do so, is to invite them to judge me…and there are too many skeletons! Enjoy your life’s journey – unfollowers are not worth your concern.
Don’t concern yourself with shallow people. Your inspiration and creativity is the product of your experience, emotions and perferances..it is what makes you so unique. Everyone’s path is different and makes meeting new people all the more interesting. If someone unfollows based on one aspect of your character then that is their loss not yours. Enjoy your creative life’s path for it is yours alone. I never judge because it invites others to judge me.
I don’t follow people on WordPress, I follow them with Google Reader. The new stuff pops up on Reader and I read it there. I do this mainly because I don’t like the email notices. I follow you on Reader. If people put you on Reader, you won’t know if they are following you.
I try not to judge anyone. Not my job. I was surprised that you said you were gay but so what, I’m black, so what. My friend and neighbor is German, so what. The neighbor next door is Mexican, so what. I enjoy your blog and you have helped me solve problems on mine. I have been brought up to love and respect my fellow man. I try with all my heart to do just that. Carry on with what you do best.
BE ENCOURAGED! BE BLESSED!
Russel Ray. I’m not convinced that you lose followers because you’re openly gay. I get followers and lose them, too, or they never read or even scan (which is far more likely) my posts. I “unfollow” people all the time, trying to hone in on the ones that I either enjoy, relate to, or have something in common with.
You have plenty of people reading your posts, and even commenting. Lucky you, in my opinion.
I do a lot of tracking using Excel. It’s too much of a coincidence that the only time I lose followers is when I post something gay. Way too much of a coincidence.
I will follow you where ever you may go! Peace Jaz [youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NN1Ur3_fhJE&w=420&h=315%5D
I have noticed that when I post “gay ” events on my 365Things to do in the Palm Springs area page on facebook– that sometimes I lose followers. But I post ALL kinds of events… and do not discriminate. Everyone is welcome to post their events. I don’t know for sure, but I think many of my “followers” are gay… and that is COOL with me!
I am proud to know both you and Jim– you have made my life better! I hope that you feel the same about me… and I hope my blog, facebook, website, clients…feel that I enrich their lives. That’s what we are here for… helping others, making their lives better, richer, sweeter. Hugs to you both~ K
Sorry to hear of this, I pity the sad souls who un-followed you, think they are the ones with the issues. Let it go, they are not worth it. I actually came for a wee camp as I have nominated your blog for an award – follow the link: http://wp.me/p2jqcV-eA
Thank you very much!
By not unfollowing them, you are proving you are the bigger person. Stick to your guns.
I agree with some of the commenters above: continue to follow them if you still enjoy reading their content. It’s true that people unfollow for all kinds of reasons, but when you begin to notice a pattern, it does raise eyebrows. However, I do think that they time you might spend figuring out who unsubscribed isn’t worth the energy of your valuable, wonderful self!
It’s better to set a good example. Who knows? They might change their mind again.
Reminds me of when me and my husband (who is white) are out in public, the moment i feel someone’s eyes fixated on us with disapproval, I turn my head, and meet their stare with a loving glance, and a smile…in which they usually immediately turn the other way in shame. A miserable life is one that is lived with no authenticity…how dare someone ask you to live otherwise.
I love this, making use of the weapons of love.
love is my only defense..i must use it!
I disagree that there even are “weapons of love.”
Figuratively speaking.
Speaking figuratively is what causes so many problems in today’s world.
Not unfollowing the narrow minded people is wise, you don’t want to be at their disgusting level. I dream someday for a world where there is no wacky people anymore
I love your cat, and I love her name, just keep doing what you do 
it’s all good.
Hey Russel, your blog is super, so ignore the stats and just keep posting what you want, read who you are interested in, and follow those you’d like! Less anxiety when you can do what you want and let the chips fall where they may. Life’s too short, and as you say, let all that sunlight in, inspiring others!
I’m a new follower of you as of yesterday or the day before (I can’t remember exactly) I chose to follow because of your photography and writing style because I’m a photographer too. I can relate only on the level of losing followers because I have mental illness not on being gay, so I think it’s a personal issue. When people stop following me, I ignore the whole thing and continue on as if they’re not there anyway. Sometimes I stop following them, sometimes I don’t….depends on what their blogs about. Dropping someone because they’re gay is pretty shallow though.
Dot
I can’t fathom someone unfollowing like that — ignore them. Only unfollow if you don’t like the blog.
I am constantly amazed at the behavior of some people. I noticed too, if I posted something pro-gay I lost readers. Same with Twitter followers. I think you’re great to not determine who the unfollowers are and unfollow them. I hope you have opportunity to continue to read and comment on their blog. Personally, if I knew who they were, I’d unfollow. You’re a better man than I am.
Well said, my friend. I like your perspective. Just do what you always do. I only unfollow if I find that I don’t want to read the other person’s blog anymore. I prefer not to do the tit for tat thing, but whatever your method, stick to it and to your integrity. I really love reading here because of it.
Trust your gut, do what feels right to you, because you want to, and lastly live by the very wonderful words of your grandmother: “My wise old grandmother taught me the 80/10/10 rule: 10% of the people will love me because that’s the type of people they hare. 10% of the people will hate me because that’s the type of people they are. 80% of the people will love or hate me depending on my words and actions.”
I read because your entertaining, your pictures show parts of the world I now desire to visit, , know more about, are so enjoying…and I love you and the relationship you have with Zoey your cat!
“.”
Cat
I wouldn’t dream of unfollowing someone because of their sexual orientation. I follow you because I enjoy your posts, Russel. Hope both JIm and yourself had a wonderful day yesterday.
I say unfollow these small-minded, prejudiced bloggers. If they cannot appreciate you as you are then them and their blogs are not worth your time and effort! xx
For some reason I had been under the naive impression that the western world was freer and more liberated in thought and mind. Blogging has made me realise that it isn’t entirely so! Very disappointing Russel. Such people aren’t worth splitting hairs over.
Maybe generally, very generally, it is. However, places here in the United States, like Arizona, Idaho, Utah, Virginia, North Carolina, Alabama, Mississippi, Texas……… still very backwards when it comes to equality and respect for women, Jews, African Americans, LGBTQ.
Maybe generally, very generally, it is. However, places here in the United States, like Arizona, Idaho, Utah, Virginia, North Carolina, Alabama, Mississippi, Texas……… still very backwards when it comes to equality and respect for women, Jews, African Americans, LGBTQ. Even parts of California, a liberal and progressive state, has areas of problems, like the Inland Empire, the Central Valley, and the far northern parts of the state.
What surprises me most is that the country which is so proud of having the best guaranty for freedom with the Constitutional Law and their Act of Independence offers the most aggressive reactors in moments they do not agree with a way of living or with a way of believe, and has the most incidents concerning race issues.
Don’t continue following them & liking their posts. Not for reciprocity, but because their opinion is based not on how nice you are (or not), but on their own prejudices; let them be, who cares about them; i am straight but i am so NOT following blogs of people who discriminate!
p.s. oh and i nominated your blog, check out my last entry
Thank you!
I follow people because they interest me. I’m in it for what they photograph, write, draw, share, whatever. I’m always learning and having fun. I’m also in it because I love posting pictures and writing. I’m new at it and my posts may not interest some people, but it’s what I like to do. Comments, likes – a bonus. It would be nice to be ‘popular’ for once in my life,
but it’s not necessary. If I make someone smile, cool. If someone thinks a photo I took is lovely, super. I don’t care if you’re gay, straight, black, or green. I could care less if you sport Tattoos or Mohawks, are catholic or Hindu, do yoga, or spin on your head.
My philosophy is love me or leave me, it’s your dime, so to speak. And if I enjoy what you are so willing to share, I will follow.
Keep blogging and reading, liking and commenting, on a regular basis and you’ll become popular!
I have over a thousand followers right now, but probably only 10% of those do I know really, really well, so well that if I met face to face I could strike up a conversation immediately about an interest of theirs.
Wow. I find it hard to believe that people quit over your posts (although I’m not disputing it–just saying it boggles the mind). Particularly as I’d imagine that anyone who bailed after one of those posts can’t be a very careful reader, because I think you share with readers enough details of your life in every day posts that anyone reading regularly should already have a pretty good idea that you’re gay. So it just boggles the mind.
As far as unfollowing them, I’d only do it if it costs you minimal effort, say unfollowing them as you encounter them on an individual basis. The reason I say this is because, from reading this regularly, I can tell you’re a busy guy with a life, and even an hour wasted on those people is too much I think.
I seem to lose them when I delve too much into my gaiety, such as a whole post, such as that yesterday. When it’s just a little sniippet within a much bigger post, they probably miss it. After all, they probably are too shallow to read a complete post!
A couple more thoughts–since the “gay” posts are few and far between, it seems like people could grit their teeth and just not read those posts. What’s so gay about a bunch of pretty pictures?
Serious question–you used the word ‘gaiety,’ which of course I’m familiar with as the noun form of the word gay. Were you just being tongue-in-cheek, or is that an acceptable word for ‘gayness?’ The reason I ask is because in writing my initial response, I was having the devil of a time trying to find a phrase that didn’t sound too technical (your homosexuality), too clumsy (your being a gay man) or childish (gayness). Gaiety would work great there.
I have seen “gaiety” used, as well as “gayness,” and simply “gay.” Should I mention “queer”? We do use it a lot (see every other episode of “Will & Grace”)………….lol
Thanks for the info. I love the word queer in its original form, and like that the gay community “took it back,” but I don’t think it’s my place to use queer to describe anybody but a weirdo!
Hi Russ I was sad to read your post, to think that there are so many ignorant people still out there. But on the bright side all the people that still follow you do so for a reason. You have a GREAT blog. And as for the others well – you are better off without them. I lose followers most weeks then pick up new ones so my follower count stays roughly the same. Cie La Vie!
I blog for my own pleasure and it gives me a lot of pleasure when other people like what I do. I love reading and looking at other people’s blogs there is so much information, creativity, and beauty out there.
Keep up the good work cheers Judy
judysp.wordpress.com
Thanks for commenting and contrubiting.
Hi, Russel, thanks for following my blog. I only read a few posts and saw a lot of photographs, but I think you influence a lot of people in a good way by having interesting things to talk about and sharing some of your wonderful photos. I recently ‘unliked’ a blogger I followed on facebook because I felt some of his messages regarding veganism were too…emotional? It immediately made me feel uncomfortable so I just unliked him. I still check out his blog sometimes because I love his writing style, but his FB posts were too extreme for me.
Well, I hope you make a decision that eases your mind. And thanks for all your ‘likes’, you set a new record for likes in one day!
My records indicate that I had quite a good time over at your campsite. I’ll be back!
Aw, thank you! I’m glad you enjoy my blog.
I shouldn’t be surprised, yet I am at how shallow and unevolved some people can be. Keep being you, but don’t stoop to their level! Z
Hi! Thanks for passing by my blog, i’m enjoying yours
and anyone that has a comment on you being gay means they’re stuck in life themselves, their loss, I feel sorry for them really. sad that such incredibly dumb and angry people walk around though because they’re highly likely not adding much to the world at this moment either.
I like how you’re proud and open about it though, indeed don’t be scared of them and pull back, be open and push more!
I’ll be back by in a day or two to camp out for a while. Meanwhile, thanks for yoru kind words and for adding to the discussion.
May I subscribe twice?
Sure! You just have to click on Follow, then Unfollow, then Follow……….lol
I am not going to answer your question about following or unfollowing those who unsubscribed from your blog, it’s always different strokes for different folks – so follow your instinct. But if I were in your shoes, I probably would. Hehe. Anyway, it is their loss to have unsubscribed from you. You’re one of the best bloggers I know. I’m staying.
Thanks for liking and following my blog!
I’m not much of a tit for tat person, but I think if they are not willing accept what you have to say about yourself in your blog, and considering that is the essence of your relationship with them, I’d probably figure they didn’t want to be followed by you either. Obviously, they do not want to carry on an any acquaintance whatsoever so I would follow suit. On the other hand, if you really enjoy the content of their blog, I guess it’s not really a big deal. Confusing as hell? Probably. And thanks for being a proud gay man. You are helping others, I am sure. Not that you want or need it, but I support you!
the first “unfollower” i had I took personal,
second and third…but then I figured what I write isn’t for everyone
and I know some just stop by because i follow them…
I like the ideal that they ones that come “campout” are really interested…
and if others choose to leave thats okay too….( I still wonder why though, its that cat curiosity energy i have)
good post Russell……
you will do what feels right for you….
Take Care…
)0(
ladyblue
I never even know who has unfollowed me. Does it matter? Does it really really matter? Has it made a change to your life?
Play fetch with Zoey the Cool Cat and her red ring.
$6.35 comfy.
Good to hear you’re not affected by the unfollowers.
Dont waste time and energy on trying to decipher the past mate, you are an individual as much as I am, I do not judge and hope others do not place judgement on me, married three times , a Vietnam Veteran, bloody hell I am open to much judgement, life is to short to return to the past, many years later I am accepted with all my faults, some sad , some bad, but at the end of the day I am who I am and am proud, you are who you are and I am proud of having you in my friends list
Aussie Emu aka Aussie Ian
Please feel free not to follow us Ray, your choice, we don’t approve of anyones actions and words. not just Homosexuals who ignor God’s guidlines and continue to sin and then claim it’s God’s will.
But just so you know that we are not homophobic but have great fear for your eternity, I will leave you a link. God tells us many have itching ears and will listen to what agrees with their agenda not God’s, sadly Ray these are your followers, try being honest with them and yourself. If I seem cold, I’m not, I care enough to warn you to stop mocking God in both your words and actions it’s not His will you perish.
Please don’t worry if you feel the need to delete this comment Ray, we won’t be offended, it was for you and Jim.
Christian Love from both of us – Anne
Personally, I don’t believe in fairy tales, especially those written thousands of years ago, first by the Mesopotamians and then plagiarized by others, most notably those who put together the Bible.
Homosexuality has been around for thousands of years and it’s not going away, belief in God or not.
Where’s the facebook like button when you need it
Good comeback Russel
Keep those closet doors open. I follow blogs I like, if a blog changes enough that I no longer like it- I stop following. I don’t pay attention to who unfollows – that’s their issue not mine. After reading this post, I looked up and saw I wasn’t following you. I thought I was – I fixed that. You are funny and interesting and it is reflected in your blog so why wouldn’t I follow you?
Hey, Genie. Thank you so much for your kind words and for adding to the discussion.
Okay, be the bigger person if you want but I say screw them. Not in the fun way.
Unfortunately, bigotry and bullying are present everywhere. We cannot outlaw stupidity, but what bothers me most is when we witness bigotry by religious, business and civic leaders. I am from NC, so we witnessed the idiotic minister in Maiden, NC who spoke of an electrified fence and had a kindred spirit in an Alabama pulpit, who was also an elected official. Then we have the Michele Bachmanns of the world, who have taken bigotry and McCarthyism to a new level. Then, yesterday I read about Dan Cathy, the CEO of Chick-Fil-A who says they are “guilty as charged” for believing in one man, one woman marriages.
You be who you are. It is your life. And, I will say to anyone who will listen that is is discriminatory to treat people differently based on gender, race, ethnicity, religious belief and sexual orientation. This next comment is not important to the above points but I want to say it so you can use it later – this comes from a married, heterosexual 53 year old man with three kids. If people don’t like you for your personal choices, then I would echo dbryantsimmons’ comments.
Thanks for contributing to the discussion!
I don’t have the time to figure out who is following or not. My cousin is gay so its not a big deal with me. Just keep on blogging. I love your photography
I don’t know if you should unfollow anybody or not. But everybode have a right to be the person they are (as long as they don’t harm others), and I hope they do. We have only this life.
I know that we have already agreed to disagreed and I pray that I don’t put myself back on that “unfollower” limb. I believe that in many ways God has made you the person that you are. However, God gave us “free will” and allows us to make our own choices in life. Not trying to argue, just an opinion….
Well, first one has to believe in God, which I don’t.
Another good comeback Russel! Don’t you get tired of these small minded people? How insecure they must be to insist that everyone must agree with their beliefs!
I don’t necessarily get tired of them per sé. I’m all for religion if it helps them be good people. Unfortunately, it usually helps them be hateful also under the guise of being concerned. And invariably, the serial killers, serial rapists, and mass murderers all went to church. James Holmes is the most recent example. The paper says that Jimmy Holmes was “a brainiac from a churchgoing family.” Tells me all I need to know. Religions teach people to hate, first and foremost. Even their God is a hateful God, turning people into pillars of salt, flooding the Earth. Hmmm. Flooding the Earth. Maybe hurricanes, earthquakes, tornadoes, floods are the wrath of their God? Not a god I want to be associated with.
The hurricanes, earthquakes,tornadoes, floods, and droughts are because of us not any so called god in the sky. The irony is that religion and greed are keeping us from admitting that and trying to do something about it. Christopher Hitchens has it right. Religions are responsible for most of the human blood spilled on this planet. No, religion does not make people good. there are some good people sucked in by it who never realize the harm it does! its called “sticking your head in the sand!
Good points!
The big problem with religion is that in the many religions you get also many fanatics or fundamentalist groups or even people who do not keep up to the teachings of the person they are supposed to follow (Christians being the best example of that)
As an active Christian i am afraid that I do have to agree that many Christians take on an attitude Christ unworthy. But please do not put every believer in a same box.
A lot of people also do forget that all men and women, believers and non believers, are made in the image of God. Those who believe in the Creator God, should as such have to respect every creation in this world, no matter which race, colour, belief or disposition or nature.
Please do be aware that there are many religions who preach love and not to hate each other. In many cases, like today in Islam, there are some, and often a minority, who misuse the name or title of their god/God to get their fundamentalist ideas in the world and to get more power. From beginning in history a lot had to do with Power, Greed and Selfishness.
The Jews, Christians and Muslim do not have an hateful God because He allowed people to die. Natural disasters are also not a wrath of God (It can perhaps be interesting to read some of my articles on my Christadelphian websites.)
Where is the person gone who prayed for many years to a god or to God? You tell us you were 38 when you came out and accepted yourself for the person you are because you had felt that there was, after years and years of praying to God to let you be or make you into the person He wanted you to be. Why did you now abandoned this Higher Being who answered your prayers in April 1993? Is it because you think you do not need Him any more? Or is it because you are now satisfied because you can live with the feelings which troubled you for years?
Dear one, who lost believe and faith in the Elohim, Creator of all things, look at the marvellous gift He has given you to capture the beauty of His Creation, and recognise that whoever somebody may be, God can use him or her and help him or her when the time is ready. It does not always in our time, and I do agree we often have to be patient or do not see the reasons of certain problems we do have to face. Be aware that it is not God who brings the problems over us, often it are just human beings who did not want to listen neither to the Laws of Nature, not to the Laws of God. They themselves are the cause of the problems and disasters, not God.
Remember the days of agony you have gone through and check who carried you on His hands, and got you where you stand today?
God bless.
As I spent my first 11 months laying out on the beach studying the world’s great and not-so-great religions, I came to the conclusion that there is no god/God. Just Mother and Father Nature. I am responsible for myself and don’t need anyone or anything to approve of me. As Paul McCartney said when George Harrison died, when asked about Harrison’s extreme spiritualism, (loosely quoted): “God is simply good with with a missing O. Devil is simply evil with a D. Do good and if there is a God, you’ll be okay.”
Also the Bible say that the devil is simply the evil, because Satan is in the original language the word to describe the wrong doing or evil. The Badness is Evil = it is not a person but a ‘subjunctive’. = a thing = the doing bad.
With or without religion, good is simply better, providing that one is interested in the whole society and not just oneself. I don’t need religion to tell me that. Unfortunately, religion teaches that “if ONE doesn’t do this, ONE will go to hell” or “If ONE does this, ONE will go to heaven.” One, one, one…… Except for the leaders, who exercise power and mind control over all those ONEs.
Many times we feel that God does not hear our prayers or in some cases we don’t get the answer we want, need or expect. Although we stop believing in Him, He doesn’t stop believing in us.
First, one has to believe in a God. I don’t. However, if believing in a God, and believing that he believes in you, then by all means, believe. I have no problem with your beliefs, but it seems that religious political extremist fanatics have a problem with my beliefs. Why is that?
That’s a clincher.
Very interesting indeed. I have to admit that I have “un-followed” many blogs for many reasons. But the main reason being that I love so many, I cannot keep up with them in my email. I still visit those blogs that I have un-followed on occasion though, so I would hope that they wouldn’t take it personally. I never pay attention to who exactly is following my blog and I would have no clue how to even begin to track down who has dropped off!
I guess I just feel like people look at my blog when they see something they may enjoy and don’t look at it when they’ve had enough of me, my recipes, or my photos of my dogs.
My agenda is gluten free and dairy free food with a little bit of my life thrown in. Your agenda, from what I’ve seen so far, is beautiful photography with a bit of your life thrown in.
You can’t please everyone all of the time and can you imagine how stressful life would be if you even tried?
Thank you for stopping by my blog today. I have enjoyed looking through your photos very much!
Have a lovely evening ~ April
Hey, April. I also could not keep up with them via email, especially since one of the people whom I follow posts anywhere from 25-50 posts each and every day. She was overwhelming me with emails. Thus, I turned off emails from everyone. I have my own little system for following people and visiting their blogs.
Oh my goodness! 25-50 per day…wow. How is that even possible? I struggle with trying to get one up a week lately!
I try to do three a day, morning, noon, and night. However, reblogs are also considered posts, and she does a lot of reblogging. I have found her to be a great source of new blogs to look at and subscribe to, but I just didn’t want 50 emails a day from her.
What an AMAZING post. Thank you Russel Ray! The closet is definitely more bright with the door wide open. As my best friend lives and breathes ‘out’ I know it is the only way to be for her, and I support her every second of every day, and always will. And the jury is still out on my youngest son (20) and I love him immensely – no matter what. Love and Hugs, Gina
I actually never look to see if someone’s unfollowed me and I rarely unfollow anyone myself – don’t think I’ve ever done it, actually. If I don’t like their posts I just don’t read them. But I think you might as well unfollow someone if you feel they’re homophobic – you don’t want to bother reading someone who in a way insults your lifestyle choice and who you are.
In many cases, though, reading and commenting on the blogs of homophobic is a way to bring them up to speed. I’m not going to say that you’re homophobic, but your choice of words, “lifestyle choice,” often are words chosen by homophobic people. Here is an example of my daily lifestyle choice:
Sleep
Wake up
Shower
Eat breakfast
Read newspaper (I still subscribe — now THAT’s a lifestyle choice!)
Blog
Play fetch with Zoey the Cool Cat
Work
Break
Clean something (my lifestyle choice is to live in a clean home)
Water plants
Read blogs, like & comment
Work
Eat lunch
Siesta (got this lifestyle choice from my Spanish American/Mexican friends)
Work
Check shopping list
Pay bills
Estimate tax liability
Blog
Watch “White Collar” (Tuesday), “Suits” (Thursday), and “Political Animals” (Sunday)
Tell my spouse that I love him.
Tell me how that’s so different from your “lifestyle choice” or that of anyone else.
I like your perspective – don’t let other’s narrow-mindedness rub off on you!
I’m one of the new followers. I just happened to arrive on this blog on that particular day. I like the photographs and the writing and anyone who has a cat that looks as relaxed as Zoey does is usually ok! It seems strange to unfollow someone because of one part of who that person is – each and every person we follow probably holds a few surprises if we knew them better.
Oh, noooooooooooooo! No surprises! None!……………lol
I have read most of the comments concerning this post and maybe have a different take on things. I am a person of deep faith and when I write some things about my beliefs, I will get absolutely no response from anyone. It is quite obvious that the topic is one they do not want to touch. We all need to respect each others beliefs but we do not have to agree with them. That is not necessarily homophobic or anti religion. It is the freedom of religion in my case. I have no problem with you saying you are gay. You have the right to choose this whether I agree or not. I was impressed with Anderson Cooper mentioning his gay lifestyle and moving on and not making it at issue, so far, in his reporting. I would expect the same here. I however would feel I was compromising my beliefs to continue to follow if the gay lifestye was what this blog was about. You’re topics and comments are interesting so I will continue to follow. Intolerance is a 2 way street.
I have discovered during my 18 years of being out, and I’m 57 now, that homophobic people like to call being gay a “choice” and a “lifestyle.” I didn’t wake up one morning and say, “Oh, you know what. I don’t like women anymore. I like men.” My feelings for men developed just as naturally as your feelings for women. As far as my lifestyle, see my comment here: http://russelrayphotos2.com/2012/07/19/should-i-continue-following-them/#comment-6708
You are absolutely right that we need to respect the beliefs of others even if we don’t agree with them. Many religious people forget this when they try to control OTHER PEOPLE’S access to abortion, for instance, which is another very fundamental, personal matter.
I honestly did not realize “lifestyle” was so offensive. Probably like you do not realize that calling everyone who does not approve of homosexuality, homophobic. I do not hate or fear homosexuals. Tolerance is knowing that others have opinions different from yours and agreeing that we each have the right to that opinion. Can we at least agree on that?
I have no problem with different opinions. It’s why I have Christian friends, Muslim friends, Jewish friends, male friends, female friends, transgendered friends, white friends, black friends, two Native American Indian friends (which I think is pretty cool), and even some homophobic friends. My homophobic friends, however, have learned respect. You see, I grew up Christian. They didn’t grow up gay. So they had a lot more learning to do than I did.
Exactly!
I’m trying to stay true to my beliefs yet give you the right to have yours. Somehow I think I am offending you the more I say. Not my intention! Have a super day Russ.
No, you’re not. In fact I don’t really get offended per sé. I do get discouraged sometimes when people who have never experienced being gay try to tell me and others what it is, what it is not, etc., such as with “lifestyle.” I’m pretty sure you would not say that you live a “straight lifestyle,” nor is your life defined simply by one thing, the person you love. That is not giving credit to the complete human being that we are.
Hi Russel,
sorry for not answering sooner.
I can’t tell you what I’d do, I can only mention my ideas about following a blog. Different from you, I don’t follow every blog that follows mine. I certainly check all those out, but tghen I decide if the topics/postings really interest me. And I follow only those that do. Thus, if someone would “unfollow” me, I would very likely still follow their blog, if I’d be interested in it.
Have a good one, and take care,
Pit
Thank you for following my blog! Your photos are beautiful. I really enjoyed this post and I want to tell you what went through my mind. When I was a LOT younger (in the 70s, maybe early 80s even), and virtually everybody was “in the closet”, I would have unfollowed you in a flash. How shocking, after all. Obviously the times have changed drastically since then, I have raised my kids a certain way to try to temper their youthful closed-minded, black-and-white world point of view to be very, very accepting of others. I was deliberately raised by a deep-thinker progressive mother, to be very accepting of others, EXCEPT, that the issue of sexual orientation was really unknown to society compared to the way it is now. I have my own views about absolutely everything, and surely they don’t match yours on every detail of this subject or any other, any more than yours or mine will match anybody else’s world view exactly, BUT that does not stop anybody from accepting anybody else. The world has changed about as much on this issue in the last 40 years as it possibly could on any topic.
So, as a result, I believe that those people who still hold out an aggressive attitude to you (maybe they’re too young to have fully-developed value systems) are generally part of a work in progress. “Live and let live” is a far happier existence, and valuing people for their strengths (e.g. photographic skill and good intentions) is also a happier existence than being “a hater”. Take heart, though–you can be hated for being fat, being slim or good-looking, being different in ANY respect at all, speaking out against reckless lack of gun control, etc., etc., but freedom of personal expression and belief are fundamental Constitutional rights of a democracy and using them is the only way to make them worth anything! It’s just “in” people to hate, blame, etc.
I think you’re right to go on without acknowledging the arrested development, and keep your own mind growing (unlike the minds of those who close out new thoughts). All the best.
And one more thing: haters will hate the “suburban housewife” and use nasty terms to demean her as much as anybody else. Nobody gets off, until people just develop an appreciation for human variety!
I just reread this entire thread. So far I have seen these ANONYMOUS unfollowers called: ignorant, intolerant, homophobic, haters, can’t handle honesty, losers,narrow-minded, toxic, shallow, have issues, disgusting, small-minded, prejudiced, unevolved, dumb, angry, bigots, discriminatory,and religious,political,extremist, fanatics. A few more are:closed-minded and arrested development. Those sound like pretty nasty, demeaning terms to me.
They are. My favorite is religious political extremist fanatics but I got it from someone else. Can’t even take credit for it but that’s what they are. Sometimes the truth is demeaning, too, or as my wise old grandmother said, “Sometimes the truth is the truth, and it hurts.”
I agree with Russel Ray that sometimes the truth is the truth and it hurts. A hater IS a hater. Being called on the basis of your nasty, negative BEHAVIOUR TOWARD OTHERS is an entirely different thing from being hated for your own personal life choices relevant to yourself, or for who you are or what you were born like or choose to live like. Don’t you think it’s very, very different to insult, shun or bully someone for being him/her self than to simply respond to the negative and deliberate behaviour directed at someone by naming it what it is?
I DON’T hate or fear people with a gay orientation. I’m just asking for the right to have my own opinion and practice what my faith teaches. That’s all! This is my last comment on this as it is getting all of us nowhere. Have a wonderful day!
I mentioned the importance of everyone having their own opinion in my first post; my opinions are certainly different enough from anyone else’s. That was my main point, along with acceptance. It is only when we treat others badly because of those beliefs that we define ourselves in negative terms.
And there are way too many instances of Christian leaders treating others badly, encouraging the death of gays, abortion doctors, Jews, atheists, etc.
My question for all these religions is, “Whose god is the most powerful?” I don’t know, and I don’t really care, so I’ll just let Mother and Father Nature rule over their universe.
You really summed the truth up there! History is a long and terrible example of the first sentence! Religion has had its downfalls as a guide to right vs wrong.
Personally, I think religion is a great example of belief in the end justifies the means, a belief with which I vehemently disagree.
Just don’t follow your faith blindly. That’s nothing but mind control.
When I came out I spent about 15 hours a day, 7 days a week for 11 months studying the great religions, and the not so great, of the world. So many conflicts, even within the Bible itself. In fact, when I went to visit my relatives in New Orleans for 1994 Christmas, I stopped at a roadside religioun stand and found 54 different versions of the Bible! Why? Because everyone has a different idea of what those old fairy tails say. Heck, it’s even acknowledged by most non-religious political extremist fundamentalist fanatic researchers and scholars that King James, who had the most popular version of the Bible created, was gay.
The strange thing, though, if you would take those different translations and compare them with the original text, recognising the words they use, to give a simple example: when one version uses the word ‘table’ for a ‘glass’, once you know that and recognises that as part of the translation, you shall see that all the Bibles say the same thing. A big problem is that people often take the notes in their Scriptures as being part of the Bible. But those notes are additions made by men and are written from a denominational point of few. Naturally those would give a different picture, and these do let people believe that all Bibles say something else, but it are the different denominations which often twists the words to have them fit their doctrines and dogma’s.
Try reading any Bible translation without the biased background of denominations, and let the words, black on white, speak for themselves, and you shall come to the Truth.
There is an inherent problem in what you say, and that’s “translation.” In any translation there is going to be the biased background of denominations, or even non-demoninations. I think that’s why people continue to “study” the Bible, looking for the Truth. My truth is simply the difference between Good and Evil. I like to be good. I’ll be okay.
Thanks for all your thoughtful comments. Greatly appreciated!
I knew you’d like that religious political extremist fanatic one. Love Ya anyway. Always like sparing with you. Have a great day.
I applaud you and respect your genuineness. I am sure that you will inspire others who currently struggle with these issues. Bravo!
And thank you for the follow, by the way.
I’ll be back by in a day or two to do some camping. Hope your campground is clean!
Thanks, Margie.
Life would be very boring if we were all the same. It is best to embrace our differences and live a life happy and true. It is sad if some people feel they can’t do this, but it is their loss. I would not waste the time trying to find who has ‘unfollowed’ you, spend the time making new more deserving friends…
Bravo, Russel! You are a good man and I am happy we connected. Don’t worry about those who unfollow, it’s their loss. We all have detractors somewhere and sometime in our life. The trick is to never forget who we really are.
Cheers,
Lada
Dear, It is a pity you come up with such narrow-minded or sometimes with ardent figures who hold their strong opinions not wanting to have anything to do with a (proud) gay man who dares to come for that and is saying he is already in a committed monogamous relationship (now at 18 years). Though I do know it is not always easy to get such a blow in your face that they do shut you out for such a reason. I on my personal site and my church site (http://christadelphians.wordpress.com/) encounter a similar problem when I show my and our open-mindedness to other people than the ‘customary role’ and when I discuss matters on our believes about the man Jesus (because we believe he is the son of God, as written in the Holy Scriptures, and not god the son = a big difference)
Perhaps you do not get many readers who want to stay on, but on the other hand you should be aware that those who stay following you are those who do not mind your personal choice and want to take you as you are, as a human being to be respected for what he thinks and feels. And that is much more important.
As a Christian, I would like to advice you not to fall in the trap laid out by others in front of you. (That is what we would call evil= Satan) I understand your principle “Since I practice tit for tat (you follow me, I follow you)” and the questions that it brings to you if you should abandon them because they do not follow you any more.It has no use to spend about an hour or so to determine who the leavers are. In case they do have to offer you something interesting keep following them, why not? They did not shut you our from having their texts feeding you with information. If they do not want to share their information with you they should take care that you can not read it. In case they do not want to read your stuff, than that is their problem … They are not obliged to read it.
I must congratulate you that you have taken on a good perspective: “No, I won’t determine who those unfollowers are, and even if I knew, I would not unfollow them.”
I’m not religious Russell but I do believe that every person should be trying to be the best /person/ they possibly can be. If you are gay then how can honesty possibly be ‘wrong’? And why should your sexual orientation count for more than being a good /person/?
Keep on demonstrating christian charity and perhaps in time some of those homophobes will climb out of their straightjackets long enough to realise that there are only two kinds of people – kind ones and unkind ones.
cheers
Meeks
Are christians the only ones who are charitable?
I’d hope not.
Thank you for camping out in my blog from time to time. And I wouldn’t worry about the followers who turned away. They were not worth thinking about. Keep up the good work!
Russel, Not everyone will like you or your work, and if you give people a reason to think you’re different, they will. Oh well. As a Harvey Milk fan I believe that putting yourself out with your friends, family, and co-workers is key. The more out we are the more powerful we become. The more society realizes that we are here and they can’t marginalize us, the better off we will all be. So no regrets about the smallness of others. Live your life and be proud. Oh, by the way, thanks for visiting my site
I found your blog through a blogging friend. I’ll be back in a day or two to do some serious reading.
Interesting that in this day and age people would be so offended. One of the joys of blogging is meeting people in the virtual world who have ideas and lives so utterly unlike our own. I have no idea of the sexual orientation of my followers. I doesn’t matter. I don’t automatically follow people who follow me, and anyway, I find that I may enjoy reading someone’s blog for a while, then I move on. Blogs are like having a wide choice of articles to read in a magazine. Variety is what I enjoy. I do visit the blog of someone who follows me or likes a post. Quite often I don’t like their blog at all. I was quite enjoying the posts of one new follower until she said she had had her cat declawed after a scratching incident. That put me right off. I suppose I am thinking through my own prejudices here: people who dress their animals up, people who write in baby language pretending to be their pet…
Anyway, I wouldn’t worry about unfollowing. Those who are hung up on number of hits or followers, or likes might disagree, but I feel those numbers are fairly irrelevant. One good connection is worth a million followers on the WordPress counter.
On my blog I think my cat has probably more followers than I do, so I wonder if Zoey’s appearances have the same effect on yours.
I do believe that Zoey the Cool Cat has quite a few followers, if comments are any indication!
And would you unfollow someone who has their cat declawed?
Probably not. Really the only people I unfollow are those who are on a religious mind-control mission and those who don’t post often enough.
Hmm. Just don’t declaw Zoey!
When I got Zoey the Cool Cat from the animal shelter, her papers said that she had been declawed. It didn’t really bother me one way or another since it had already been done. Personally I would not have it done to a cat, but is it that much different from having them spayed or neutered? Anyway, as soon as Zoey the Cool Cat scratched me I looked at all her little paws and, nope, she has not been declawed. She has been spayed and microchipped, prior to me getting her.
I think it is quite a big difference. It is not allowed in the UK.
Documentaries here in the United States on Animal Planet and the Discovery Channel indicate that Great Britain is overrun with feral cats and that in order to take a cat into England it must be spayed or neutered. Are these documentaries wrong?
There is a population of feral cats out at the mouth of the San Diego River. There is a group that captures them as they can, has them spayed or neutered, and then releases them. I agree with that program. The last thing we need are more wild cats. I’m even against outside domestic cats.
I couldn’t tell you about the laws around brining cats into the country, but I certainly don’t recognise the description of the country being overrun with feral cats! Here too, ferals are caught, neutered and their ears clipped so they don’t get pulled in again. I think that applies to many countries. My cat’s vet goes to Greece to neuter cats for a charity there. I think we probably have more of a problem with careless owners who don’t neuter their pets and bring more kittens into the world. And don’t get me started on dog and act breeders! My cat goes outside and loves it so much. I cannot imagine keeping him as an indoor cat, he would not be as healthy or happy. This is a small flat.
I had a feral black cat adopt me on Christmas Eve 2006. I live in a rural area with few street lights, black asphalt roads, and speeding cars, so I tried to make her into an indoor cat. She was alright with that until around midnight. Then she would howl until she was let out. Her howling was so loud that sometimes I thought that neighbors might call animal control on me for abusing cats! She got hit and killed by a car on September 20, 2007. I got Zoey the Cool Cat the next day, and one of the qualifications was that any cat I got would have to be 100% indoor. As long as a cat has never been outside, it doesn’t know what it’s missing. I can leave any of the doors open and ZCC will walk to the threshhold and sit there. No interest at all in going outside.
Gosh. I have just bought my cat some reflector collars for the autumn. He roves further than I’d like, but I couldn’t keep him inside as happy, entertained and exercised. He was a mainly indoor cat when I got him, but now he yells to go out and is all muscle. I get him in before I go to bed and he is not allowed out until morning. That is for his safety, and for the benefit of the birds.
ZCC had a reflective collor on, too. The problem is that at night a cat’s irises are wide open. When a car comes speeding around a corner at night, the car lights blind the cat, and a blinded cat won’t move. By the time the cat’s eyes have adjusted, the car has swerved and the cat jumps right into its path as its swerving. A neighborhood lady called me and placed Sophie’s body in some towels under a tree at the curb. I made the mistake of looking to make sure it was Sophie. It was, and never again. Indoor all the way!
I live on a side street where there are road calming measures and he has access to a big garden where he is now. He doesn’t want to come in yet…
Wow! By the number of comments re this blog this has certainly been a popular topic. I chose not to read all of the comments but have chosen to comment. Non-issue. It is about the blogging and the open source sharing of the skill, talent and interests. You could have green skin, pink teeth and blue toes and it really would not make a difference. You found me first and I am enjoying following you in return. Thank you!
Since I write a spirituality blog and my beliefs aren’t exactly mainstream I kind of assume that some of my posts will not be okay with some people. I realize that’s not as personal as doing a post in which you mention being gay, but I just shrug and assume that I’m not someone’s cup of tea. I have noticed that sometimes when the number goes down it’s actually my Twitter numbers or my Facebook numbers that have gone down. Since I have some right wing Christian connections on those I get that a lot of what I have to say is not to their liking. I also have a lot of friends who try Twitter or Facebook and then drop it. I assume there are also people who drop their blog memberships and some who follow too many and then cut bac as someone above noted. Personally I’d rather have people who seriously don’t like my opinions stop following me than write nasty comments so I actually try to feel a little grateful that those who don’t care for what I’m writing quit reading. Seems like hours spent on worrying about this and tracking them down to unfollow gives their opinion too much importance and leaves you spending too much time in an angry place.
So true.
Hi,
I would not unfollow those people for the very same reasons that you have written about. It takes guts to stand up for what you believe, or who you are, or what you are. It takes even more gut to stand up for your own principles and also accept others as they are take a person with strength and integrity.
You don’t have to let the intolerance of others affect how you act. I have learned to be an actor in life and not a reactor. I find it so great that you are encountering these dropouts with love.
Ciao,
Patricia
UGH … I had written something much more detailed but my computer shut down all of a sudden and it is, now, gone. Bummer … well – I say POOP on them and all that are so shallow and closed minded. This is your blog and life to do with what you’d like. I personally would not even know how to figure out if someone unfollowed me. BUT – I wouldn’t really care. My blog is my way of expressing what is in my mind. NOW – I would be upset if Zoey the Cat did not like me. ~~~ : – ( I like her. NO – I love her. I had a cat who looked like her but she was a he. Bow-Bow was his name. YES – because my daughter put bows around his neck all the time. He was ahead of his time. LOLOL
Other people’s religion, sexuality, economist, skin color, politics, consumption patterns and so on – it’s not my business – as several other says “we are not judges” – I only respond to it if it affecting me directly and only that part – hate prejudices no matter what .. .
That’s an amazing philosophy. In my side of the world, I LUV LUV LUV all colors of the spectrum. I hate people when they’re hypocrites, not when they’re gay. ;p
We are a different in the tit for tat, Russel. When someone new follows me, I check out their blog. If I like it, I follow back. If someone unfollows me, I let it go.
As for you being gay, it’s your life.
Blessings to you and the family – Maxi
I agree with what Maxi said above:
As for you being gay, it’s your life.
and there’s nothing wrong with sharing who you are with us.
I wouldn’t worry about those bigots. I think you’re better off without them.
You have 1,309 other followers
146 bloggers liked this post
182 actually took the time to write a comment
Sheesh!….
If you’re following someone and discover they’re a member of THE OTHER political party do you unfollow them?
Nope. The only people I have unfollowed are those who quit blogging and the religious political extremist fanatical zealots. I don’t mind religion, but when it consumes 100% of your being 24/7, it’s like any other addiction. As my wise old grandmother said, “Too much of anything is bad for you.”
I agree with you.
I missed the birthday post. Hope it was a good one! I enjoy your company on my blog and your photos. Those are the two best reasons for staying.
~ Lynda
PS: Just saw your comment above, and had to comment back… There is such a thing as having faith and that should consume 100% of your being 24/7. That said… religion is made up primarily by people who want you to believe what they believe 100% of the time, and I can’t do that. Still staying.
I only faith that I will die sometime. Everything else based on faith isn’t relevant to me.
We are all with you. Thanks for following me, but that is not just the reason I am following you. I appreciate frankness and honesty.
From Japan, thank you for visiting my blog often. Now, it is hot in Japan. Because of that, I am tiredness feeling.
You have such a precious cat. Give Zoey a big hug for me. Meanwhile, I tried following your blog and it said I didn’t have a valid email. Boohoo! Will retry. Thank you for your honesty. I’m glad you live in peace over the matter. Meanwhile, I guess we both like cats and men. heehee
You had me at Zoey. What a gorgeous cat!
You just contributed to her big head………lol
First, let me say I wish that this hadn’t happened to you. THere are a lot of people who are simply dumb, their heads are up their arses and there is nothing that we can do for them.
Now, this post resonates with me because I recently blogged about “ugenuine” followers and whether I should always follow someone because they followed me. For my part, I followed back because I thought it was rude otherwise, even if they had a blog I didn’t have any interest in.
What bothered me though was that I would actually go to these blogs and leave comments (not every day, I’m a human being not a robot) but at least once a week just to say hi, what’s up,–and they would never reciprocate. A lot of them would never even respond to the comments I made on their blog! Huh???
So, my perspective has changed a bit since I discovered that there is a lot of time that’s wasted on blogging if we’re not careful. I did unfollow blogs because I wanted to start over with a clean slate–and only engage with blogs that are genuine and not just looking for traffic. The other point to this is I didn’t want to continue having their posts clog my inbox!
I’m one of those bloggers who is here because I want to interact and build relationships, jib jab about writing and life and the environment, and nature, and other things that interest me. If someone is following me but never commenting on my blog, then I think they were only in it for the traffic (hoping for a follow back and extra hits to their site).
In your case, I think the people who unfollowed you are petty and don’t deserve the time of day. I would not think any less of you for unfollowing them just so you don’t have to deal with them in the future. Or if that feels like a petty move in return, and you can ignore that they’re “there” then I wouldn’t give it another thought and continue as you were.
Hey, 4amWriter. I feel bad because it’s only 2:30 a.m. here…….lol
Thanks for a very thoughtful comment.
I have modified my protocol slightly since I wrote this post in that I have decided not to follow someone simply because they follow me. Fortunately, as far as I’m concerned, it’s only about 5% of the people whom I decided not to follow, and it’s usually because of inappropriate language or excessive religion and politics. I don’t mind the occasional religious post or the occasional political post, or even the occasional bad word, but when any of those three define who you are, I’m probably not interested, and so I have quit following them.
I used to make a sincere effort on those people to dig deep and find their non-religious, non-political post. In some cases there just weren’t any so I’d simply leave a generic comment, something like “I was by. Hope all is well.” Not really adding anything to my life or theirs, so why bother?
What a shocker, that there are actually people who will unfollow someone if he is in love and loyal. You were right to blog about it. May they hang their heads in shame.
Thanks Russell. Always glad when you come to visit. All the best. Wesley
Well that was nice of them MEOWWWWWW. The question you should be asking yourself is ‘Do you have an hour to waste?’ Big hugs
I’m certainly not going anywhere. I wish the defollowers could understand how ashamed of themselves they should be.
It blows my mind that here in 2012 this still scares so many people. Why on earth should I care who you choose to love? I’m sure by not unfollowing those people and continuing to comment at least a few of them will have to realize that you really aren’t all that different then them. Best wishes to you and your family!
The unfollowers are the Those with small minds. Enjoy who you have in your life and make the most of the experience. Those of us still following obviously enjoy what you have to say so continue sharing and give Jim a big hug from us all xxx
Thanks for the follow! I like this post and like that you are exploring ways to bridge the gap of ignorance by simply being who you are!
I never read that post, and I never followed your blog . . . until now.
Go ahead, unfollow them. Save your bandwidth!
A person’s sexual orientation is pretty much a shoulder shrug with me. More important is whether they’re rude to those around them. In different segments of society that means different things. Do what you think is right. That’ll have to be enough.